


On Watch

by RaoDaos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28140810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaoDaos/pseuds/RaoDaos
Summary: Yasha and Beau take watch together.spoilers up to the most recent episode.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Yasha, Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 1
Kudos: 96





	On Watch

**Author's Note:**

> My Beauyasha energy for the day...

Yasha sat on the log alone in the cold cavern, the dome set up a ways behind her as she waited for her watch partner. She looked between both of her hands, a small smile on her face as she passed the light between them. 

_Thoomp...thoomp...thoomp…_

“That’s uh...a neat little trick you got there…” Beau slowly stepped out of the darkness, pausing briefly when the aasimar’s head quickly turned in her direction, obviously startled. 

“Oh-” Yasha glanced at her hand when the small light emanating from it seemed to glow brighter for a split second before looking back at the approaching woman. “Hey Beau...I didn’t see you there.” She watched as the monk stepped over the long and began to lower herself onto it next to her. “I thought you were taking second watch with Fjord?” She tried to hide the hope in her voice that the small monk was indeed about to take the first one with her. 

“Yeah...well Jess said something about wanting to talk to Fjord about something...so she asked me to switch with her.” Beau released a short _‘heh’_ as she sat down. “Sorry...you’re stuck with me…” 

Yasha could hear the self deprecating tone and frowned slightly. “Well...I don’t think that’s something to apologize for...I hardly feel _stuck_ at all. I-” Her brows furrowed further only for a moment. “I really enjoy taking watches with you.” She turned just in time to see Beau frown slightly before releasing a small breath from her nose, her expression neutral when she turned to look up at Yasha, nodding her head at her hands. 

“Show me that thing you were doing...with the…” Beau held her hands out in front of her, bouncing them up and down as if she were tossing something between them. 

The aasimar ignored the small tug in her chest at the avoidance maneuver, but when a small smile appeared on Beau’s face as she began to toss the light back and forth again she felt it melt away. 

_Thoomp...thoomp...thoomp_

A smile spread across Yasha’s face as she watched the bright blue eyes in front of her follow the light back and forth. After another second, she began to notice the almost defeated look in them, the look that’d been in them since their fight with the large baby; she took in Beau’s slumped posture and again felt a tug in her chest. She couldn’t help herself as she spoke. “Are you...alright, Beau?” She regretted it as soon as she watched the face in front of her fall, the monk turning herself away from Yasha. 

“I’m _fine_ …” Beau’s face flinched as her own worlds hit her ears, the harshness in them not entirely a decision she consciously made. She sighed as she slowly turned back to the quiet woman next to her. “Shit, Yash...I’m sorry...that...that came out way harsher than I meant it.” Her blue eyes were wide with apology when she finally looked at the heterochromatic ones next to her, seeing nothing but understanding in them...that only made her feel worse so she quickly turned away again, looking at the few glowing globules floating in the air around them. “But I am...fine...that is.” 

Yasha remained still on the log next to Beau, just watching her, seeing her basically fold in on herself. Her heart hurt watching her, though she knew that if she made that known, it would only push the smaller woman further away. She sighed softly before turning to face forward, mirroring the monk as she reached down and sent her light to the blade of her sword that leaned next to her. She looked out into the darkness that stretched before them, not speaking for a number of minutes. When her own breathing was even, and she could feel a relative calmness from next to her, she finally spoke. “Today was hard…” She could see from the corner of her eye a small nod from Beau; she looked down into her own lap. “I hate-” She could feel blue eyes on her. “I _really_ hate being...y’know...put out of commission so early in a fight.” Multicolored eyes glanced up at nothing before rolling as a frustrated huff left her. 

A small scoff left Beau. “It takes _a lot_ to put you out of commission…” 

Yasha’s eyebrows rose to the top of her head. “Apparently just a glowing ball of light…” 

“At least you didn’t get fucking swallowed...” Beau’s frown deepened. 

The aasimar considered this for a moment before she slowly leaned over and bumped the smaller woman’s shoulder with her own. “I think you just look like you taste better.” A small smirk was on her face when Beau turned to look at her, trying to maintain her unhappy glare for a few seconds before finally letting a small smile of her own spread. 

As she turned back forward, Beau leaned her chin on her forearms that rested on her knees. “Says you…” She muttered it under her breath, but she knew Yasha probably heard her. 

Yasha ignored the feeling in her chest at Beau’s words as she considered her next ones, deciding to forge ahead. “It's okay you know…” She could see Beau’s ears perk up at her words. “If you weren’t actually...completely fine...” She leaned her own head on her knees, turning her head to meet Beau’s eyes as the other woman turned to look at her. “I promise...I won’t tell any of the others…” She watched cautiously as Beau considered what she said, an almost shy smile forming on her face before she let out a long sigh, the tension in her body going with it as she fully slumped in her position on the log. 

“I just-” Beau’s voice was slightly muffled as she buried her face into her bent elbow. She picked her head up and let out a small groan before taking a deep breath and turning to Yasha. Yasha, who was so fucking patient; who was looking at her with understanding even though she’d already lashed out at her once. Yasha who she trusted completely. Still, she hated how her voice broke when she continued. “I feel fucking _useless_ lately...and I fucking hate it.” She finally spoke words out loud to the way she’d been feeling since the stupid fight with the giant frozen worm where she’d done fuck all in ways of helping the group fight it. “All I have is my ability to go in and fuck some shit up fast and first in a fight and I just…” She looked upwards, letting her tongue hang out of her mouth as she crossed her eyes, imitating what she must have looked like as she “fought” the monster from earlier. “ _Twice_ …then got fucking eaten.”

Yasha quickly stamped out the chuckle that wanted to bubble up from her chest at the look on Beau’s face, knowing it wouldn’t help their conversation at all. Instead, she sat and quietly considered the smaller woman’s words. Did she _really_ consider herself useless? But how was that possible? She looked at the face in front of her, seeing in contorted in pain at her confession; Yasha knew this woman well enough to know that throwing compliments at her about her absolute fucking dominating presence on a battlefield, or her down right mystifying ability to make connections with her sharp mind that Yasha could never even dream of making...or any of the endless number of things that completely enamored the barbarian about Beau would do no help. Still, facts were facts...and she knew the small monk could appreciate that. “It’s _kind of_ a good thing that you got eaten…” Her eyes widened at how her words sounded, even more so when she saw the incredulous look on the other woman’s face. “I-I-I just mean that-” She huffed and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose when she heard a small chuckle from beside her as she stuttered to explain herself. “I just mean that nobody else would have been able to poison it and knock it out...I don’t think anyone else would have even _thought_ about doing something like that…” Yasha paused, waiting for the snarky comment; when she heard none, she continued, knowing she could very well regret it again. “Because your fists _aren’t_ all that you have...you are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met...you think very quickly and well on your feet...and you are _very_ far from useless…” 

Beau could feel a lump forming in her throat as the other woman spoke. How was it so easy for Yasha? To say how she felt and to be so...fucking _earnest_ about it all? Beau inwardly cringed at herself, but was still unable to stop it as she gave a half shrug. “Yeah...I guess I can add some other things to a fight-”

“Your usefulness extends past the battlefield, Beau.” 

The small monk felt her heart stop at how serious Yasha sounded and as she turned to look at the aasimar, she could feel it begin to pump again...in overdrive as she was pinned under the intense stare of the other woman. These things she was saying to Beau...were wonderful...perfect even, but Beau was in no state of mind to respond to them...not in the way Yasha deserved. She couldn’t go anywhere near it; and as she continued to stare into the turquoise and violet eyes in front of her, she knew Yasha would understand, already understood. Still, as she turned away from the eye contact again, narrowing her eyes in thought, she could feel a calmness wash over her, a realization of just how fucking safe she felt in this conversation. 

_You make me feel safe…_

Words from Yasha’s letter echoed in Beau’s mind, and she realized that the aasimar too, made Beau feel safer than she did anywhere else. So she took a deep breath, and started a conversation she _could_ have in that moment; needed to have. “Do you uhm-do you think in the tower...in those rooms that can be anything...do you think I could conjure up a dummy that could...fight me?” She turned to see Yasha look up in consideration. 

“I’m not sure...I never really thought about it.” Yasha looked back down at Beau, seeing an interesting expression written in her eyes. 

“Like I know I can make a bunch of just ya know…” She squared her shoulders and puffed out her chest, going stone still...as if she were a practice dummy. “...like stand up dummies...but I want one that can like...move...and fight me. Like as if it were another person.” 

“I mean, I’m sure you could conjure up all sorts of practice scenarios-”

“Not practice...like a _fight_.” Beau scrunched up her face, considering if she should just come all out with it. She looked Yasha directly in the eyes, remembering that she was safe. “Like...d’you remember...remember your...Stone Coffin fight?” She could feel Yasha’s posture shift beside her and knew the other woman was starting to understand where she was going with this; she waited for Yasha’s reaction. 

Yasha’s brows furrowed in confusion for a moment. Of course she remembered her fight, but Beau had also fought during that event. In fact, Beau had been the only one out of the three of them who’d won; she’d completely destroyed her oppone-

Oh.

_Oh…_

“You wish for the dummy to be able to defeat you...you don’t want to practice winning a fight...you want to lose one…” Yasha slowly turned back to Beau, making sure to keep any real reaction out of her face. She understood this particular kind of need, Beau knew that, which was probably why she was telling Yasha this. She watched the monk slowly nod. 

“Pretty much…” Beau offered no further explanation, unsure if she’d made Yasha uncomfortable by bringing up her own unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

Yasha continued to think on it for a second before she slowly turned herself to face Beau. “May I ask...why? I doubt the reasoning is the same as...as mine was…” The pale woman’s expression betrayed her, fully showing the bit of shame she still felt for that particular display.

Beau’s eyes narrowed once more as she considered her answer. She didn’t want punishment; she knew that was mostly what Yasha had been seeking, she just...wanted to…. “I just...want to get beat into the ground...to remind myself that I can still get back up…? That sounds so stupid…” She shook her head lightly, letting it hang in front of her, annoyed that she was unable to put her needs into words. She picked her head back up, turning it to look at Yasha as the taller woman spoke.

“I do not think that sounds stupid, Beau…” Yasha’s lips drew into a thoughtful line before she continued. “You need a reminder of how much you can handle...of how strong you are…” A small smile spread across her face when she was met with the genuine one spreading across Beau’s.

“That’s exactly it.” Beau knew she was blushing, her internal reaction to Yasha’s immediate understanding of her breaking through. She didn’t think she ever felt more understood by anyone...or that anyone had ever put in as much effort to try as Yasha and even though she was deep into a hole of self deprecation and hatred, she could feel a familiar warmth spread throughout her chest. “I doubt the tower will be able to do that though…”

“Well...maybe not...but maybe I could help you…” Yasha kept her gaze on the smaller woman, seeing the interest in her face. “Unless you’d rather work through it alone…”

Beau’s eyebrows rose as she turned to face Yasha. “Wait...really? You’d do that…?” She could see the slight hesitation on the aasimar’s face. “You would be okay with...ya know...hurting me?” She could see the small wince that flew across the beautiful face in front of her. 

Yasha’s head tilted as she thought about it. “Well it certainly wouldn’t be… _fun_ …but...if you think it will help you...then, I want to help…” Her shoulders shrugged and she shook her head slightly. “I’d like to help you in any way I can...in any way you’ll let me…” 

Beau didn’t even bother trying to hide the genuine smile that spread across her face as it matched the warm feeling that was spreading throughout her body. She didn’t deserve the care that Yasha gave her, she was sure of it...and yet here this angel was, continuously offering her unyielding support time and time again. “Thanks Yash…” She sat up straighter, moving closer to the barbarian until their bodies were just barely touching, turning to look up into the beautiful eyes above her. “I might take you up on that.” She felt the taller woman settle next to her, the warmth of her muscular body warming Beau’s cold extremities. 

“Just let me know.” Yasha continued to look ahead, simply enjoying the softer side Beau was showing her as she nudged their shoulders together. 

“And thanks for uh...not judging me…” A smirk was already appearing on her face as she spoke, widening when Yasha’s voice began.

“Oh Beau...who am I to judge...have you seen me?” Her chest lurched as a small chuckle fell from the smaller woman’s mouth and she leaned her head on Yasha’s shoulder. 

Beau closed her eyes, letting a small sigh go as she felt Yasha lean her head on top of hers. “Yeah...I have...more than you know…” 

They stayed that way, in close proximity, enjoying each other’s quiet presence as the rest of their watch continued without any issues.


End file.
